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I’m The Mother Flippin’ Ali D…

27th July 2009


So yet again our dear Chancellor is set to meet with the major lenders and give them a smacked bottom and ten minutes on the naughty step for not lending enough to consumers and businesses. Where they are lending, they are getting shouted at for charging much too much.

The Chancellor is looking really mean and determined this time, and I reckon Ali D will be giving it to them both barrels like a streetwise, no nonsense gangster rapper.

As I am obsessed with the brilliant Flight of The Conchords at the moment I thought it may go something like :-
I’m the mother flippin’
High Chancellor, I ain’t kidding ya
I’m here to get banks to lend more to ya
I ain’t flippin around this time
Y’all better heed my rhyme

When times were good you got too greedy
With your CDO’s you screwed the needy
You gave ‘em loans they couldn’t afford
And put idiots on your boards

So I’m here to make you pay for your crimes
Don’t mess with me, ‘cos if you cross the line,
I’ll do stuff you can’t erase,
Like when I put Gordo in his place.

I’ll regulate you to the max
On your bonuses I’ll hike your tax
Don’t give me shi about the cost of funds
We just bailed you out with cash by the tonnes  – (it’s hard to rhyme funds!)

So tell me straight, don’t be sittin’ on fences
I didn’t get where I am by fiddling expenses
How much you gonna lend today
D’ont make me take my ball away

I ain’t in to cussin’ or making a fuss
But you mother flippers better get on my bus
‘Cos I ain’t stopping, well, at least ‘till the election
All this power gives me an erection

I’m the mother flippin Ali D – yeh you know me (repeat to fade)

Faced with that I am sure the banks would of course respond by doing the Chancellors bidding.

Alternatively, they will reply to the tune of Rappers Delight in a Sugerhill Gang kinda way, but I’ll leave that one to you.

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Andrew Montlake

About Monty

Andrew Montlake, Director and Spokesperson for Coreco, gives his honest and forthright views on the mortgage market, economy and all things property related. Monty was voted "Mortgage Personality of the year 2008", "Best Press Spokesperson" in 2011 and is the current holder of the British Mortgage Awards “Best Marketeer” title. Expect expert analysis, delivered in a down to earth style with a side helping of exuberance.